When we feel attacked emotionally or physically, our bodies release stress hormones to secure safety. If we freeze in fear, the stress hormones turn inward and create headaches, digestive problems, and anxiety. The best way to nip bullying in the bud and avert emotional and physical effects is to immediately speak and move on your own behalf in a matter-of-fact way. Rather than remain silent, make a short statement like, "What’s with that,” “Stop that” or “That’s mean,” then turn and walk away. If you fight with a bully, you risk becoming a bully too. No need to fight, rather briefly assert your voice and disengage.
If the fear from being bullied goes underground into the body, it can silently cause long-term effects; it may create a fear of speaking up for oneself or a hesitancy to take risks to be more successful in relationships and work. A study at Duke University in 2013 found bullied kids were at a significantly greater risk of developing long-term anxiety issues.
Now we know, it’s never too late to uproot and neutralize the buried fear from being bullied. You can dissolve the pain and replace it with a new empowered memory with the RIM (Regenerating Images in Memory) Technique. A woman in her 30’s wanted to marry and have children, but didn’t feel confident with boys (her sibling was a girl). When she recovered the original event causing the problem, her imagination reminded her of being in the 5th grade cafeteria line when a boy in her class said, “You’re ugly.” She silently swallows her tears and feels humiliated. As she and I revisited this memory, she imagined being in it again only with safety to speak her hurt. When she tells the boy that he hurt her feelings, he immediately apologizes and says, “I said it because I like you. That’s how I talk with my friends, so I thought it would work with you. I’m sorry.” This revelation transforms her self-image immediately and she meets a man a few months later and marries a year later. It’s never too late to regain your voice!
When anxiety arises, find the feeling in your body and imagine moving your awareness into it and begin spontaneous, uncensored writing. Empty your feelings in the form of words on the accepting paper because there’s no one to retaliate, reject or judge you. Write directly to the person who first pops into your mind… Write to them how they hurt you and how it makes you feel. The anger and sadness can be safely expressed from the body. Finish, with “How it feels to express my feelings directly to you is…”
Dr. Deborah Sandella is the author of Goodbye, Hurt & Pain 7 Simple Steps to Health, Love and Success. She is an award-winning psychotherapist, university professor, and the originator of the groundbreaking RIM Method, which is a heavily-backed neuroscience tool for reducing stress and improving the quality of life.